Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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