Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
