someone threw a dead crab at me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
