I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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