I just threw up on my dentist
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize