Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
