We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
