I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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