My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
