"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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