Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
