blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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