i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
