I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
