We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
