Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
