If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
