I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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