Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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