You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
