Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
