thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
