so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
