Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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