The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize