You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize