just come out here and I will go home with you...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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