I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
