btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
