I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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