Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
