My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize