I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
