I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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