sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize