How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
