it wasn't lemon gatorade
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
