i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
