Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
