I CAN MOONWALK!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
