Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
