saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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