dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
