We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize