yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
