wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
