redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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