The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
