I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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