I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
