hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
