When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
