remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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