I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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