I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I need moral support for this bender
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize