I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
