oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
