He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Randomize
