You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she smelled like a LAN party
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
