Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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