He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
