That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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