my vag is so smooth its legendary
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
